Esto Perpetua
by thebondgirl
Summary: She stands on the brink, and it would be so easy to give in... but some lives are not meant to be cut short. John/Elizabeth. Short and sweet.


**A/N**: Just a mood that hit me out of the blue - didn't know where it was going, until suddenly it was finished. This is my first SGA fic, and marks the first time I've written in a long while, so I appologize if it's a little rough around the edges. As for a timeline, this is really open to be anywhere within second or third seasons... I'll leave that up to you.

I do hope you enjoy.

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Esto Perpetua

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_I am empty. I am no one, I am nothing. I am free - free of all the limitations that have been pressed upon me, and that I have pressed upon myself. I am weightless - I have no substance, no limbs, no blood, or muscle, or tissue, or bones to keep me grounded in this plain. I am no where - I can be anywhere. And so I leave. The air lifts my essence, my soul - the only pieces of me that remain - high above the pains of existence, and into the ever flowing, ever shifting heavens. The air freezes, then burns, then there is none at all. The black of limitless space is permeated by the burning brilliance of the stars that have carved out their existence here - whole, apart; together, alone - and there they stand, clear and proud, beings of infinite light, silent grace, and wordless strength. And I say, without lips or voice to speak, that if I can be anywhere, be anything, I would be a part of this dazzlingly stoic culture, to share in their grace, and bask in their effortless acceptance. I fill the essence that is what remains of my heart with imaginings of these beautiful beings, in this uncultivated, unspoiled, untainted, and infinite expanse of possibility, this waiting reprieve from all that had wronged me, as the fragile creature I had once been. I feel I am ready, and I reach, hesitantly, hopefully, pleadingly, desperate for whatever divine being will be the key to this, this most coveted reward._

_'Not yet' are the words that flow through me, as though whispered in my ear, and without warning or invitation, the essence that had once given me sight was filled with a stream of images, feelings, smells, touches... smiling lips, and eyes filled with warmth, ripples of memories, memories of sadness and love, laughter and tears, terrible loss countered by unconquerable resilience. And I'm torn with the joy these memories bring, raw longing burning through me, and that elusive being of unprecedented divinity whispers again, 'Not yet'._

_I stop reaching. I look away from the beckoning stars, back the way I'd come, and agree in a voice I now realize I wanted back, 'Not yet.'_

_Suddenly, I am pulled from the limitless black and its ever glowing beacons, and thrust back into a body I'd been so ready to leave behind. I think I hear myself moan, a sound that hurts far more than it should to make, and while my eyes are still closed, and a flurry of other indiscernible voices and noises has erupted around me, I am all at once encompassed in warmth, and another voice, belonging to one I'd come so close to abandoning, one so familiar and even more beautiful than the stars, whispers into my ear._

"I love you Elizabeth, I love you... promise me you'll stay."

_I decide then that my eyes have stayed closed long enough, and when I open them, he has pulled back just enough to gaze down at me, his dark hair as chaotic as ever, his hazel eyes speaking as loudly as they always had, whenever they met mine. And though it hurts to do so, I smile, and push up just enough to lightly brush my lips against his. Our first kiss, I realize distantly, and though I run out of energy to hold myself up, he holds me tight in the cradle of his arms, those eyes shining now in tears of relief and undiluted joy that make my next words all the more easy to say._

"Love you... John..."

_His grip tightens. My heart beats strong in my chest, stronger than it has in years, and I realize that the choice, while difficult at the time, now seems the easiest I've ever made. With what little remaining energy I posses, I lift the hand that is not in a cast, and rest it against his face, and as he presses the gentlest of kisses to my palm, I know, now more than ever, that it is in this city, in this life, in the warmth of his embrace, that I belong_.

"Not going... anywhere... I promise."

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_Esto Perpetua - Latin: "Let it be forever."_


End file.
